Jaganshi Hiei's Journal

1:15am: Going over to Kurama's tomorrow to watch bad movies. Bringing Makai proof alcohol. This bodes poorly for my state of mind and the state of my head overall the next morning, but it should be a good time. Besides, he's providing the ice cream.

1:08pm: And I said in my first entry after a long break that things were boring. Well, they're still boring. Nothing is happening at all. Apparently my feeling that something was looming on the horizon a few months ago was incorrect, which is rather odd as I'm usually right- a blessing of the Jagan.

I've been training, spending time with Yuusuke and Yukina. Leaving Kurama alone since he seems a little less than comfortable with me lately... My fault. I still haven't heard anything from Mukuro. I'm starting to wonder if she just doesn't want me to come back. I'm not sure why that idea bothers me.

I don't think anyone's heard from Shishiwakamaru or Touya since they left for the Makai to find Jin. I think that's the only thing any of us are dealing with right now, which is rather sad. Our big adventure is a few of us going after a friend who was kidnapped by another friend and hauled to the Makai? What happened to insane men trying to kill us, or destroy the world?

2:52pm: All I'm going to say is that it's true- I have no soul.

Anyway, something had to be done. I have no regrets.

12:44am: My hand has been itching for a few days now. I have no idea why since I don't see anything wrong with it. I wonder if it has anything to do with that weird damned glowing thing I thought I picked up.

Have been spending a lot of time with Yukina and just... training out in the woods by myself. It's been nice and peaceful, so naturally it can't last. Am considering asking Kurama to train, or just go to the park or something since I think I screwed things up with him badly and I want to make peace because, for whatever reason, I do give a damn about him.

And Yuusuke.

I'm pretty damn confused, though I think I'm sorting it out.

6:43pm: In regards to my last entry, I thought I should add one more little detail.

APRIL FOOLS!

11:19pm: That stupid bastard... I can't believe he left me. I always expected I would be the one to leave him, but... Fuck. I wasn't trying to hurt him. I don't know... I can't help that I don't understand what love is!

Yuusuke, you asshole- watch your back.

10:45pm: Apparently life couldn't get too much more irritating for me. Or so I thought.

I was training out in Kurama's back yard this morning, trying to work off some anger, when this glowing ... thing... landed on the ground in front of me. Naturally I was curious and irritated, so I bent down to get a closer look, but when I picked the damn thing up it vanished. It was almost as if it were absorbed right into my hand.

I probably imagined the whole thing. Sometimes I don't handle stress as well as I should. I need to have a talk with Kurama, and Yuusuke, and set up a day to fight with Shishiwakamaru. I should probably visit Yukina again sometime soon...

2:30am: *Private Entry*

I'm staying here at Kurama's tonight again, though I had sworn I didn't want to see his face right now. Disgusting how emotional ties and concern will keep me around when my instinct is to storm off... Karasu, that bastard, was poking his ugly head in again and threatened to perhaps come seek Kurama out if I left. So, I can't leave. Not yet.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I have a good thing going with Yuusuke, or had. I thought we understood exactly what it was between us, but now I'm not so sure. I'm thinking he might have gotten himself too attatched to me- I sometimes forget he did grow up a human and still thinks like one. Between demons, casual sexual relationships happen all the time, I thought they happened between humans as well. I guess Yuusuke isn't the type, and I should have known that. But he should have known I wasn't looking for a romantic tie between us. I care about him, more than I should, but all that romantic fairy tale bullshit? Hardly.

And then there's that idiotic fox who felt the need to bring up my heritage and lack of ability to protect Yukina when she really needed it. I'm not likely to forgive and forget that anytime soon. It started from such a stupid thing, too, the whole damn arguement. Just banter that he took offense to. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to get out of him. He's beautiful, I desire him... but he's not looking for a quick fuck either. Am I? I have no fucking clue. I almost wish Mukuro was around so I could go bitch about all this to her, and have her give me paperwork until I forget all about it.

At least I'll be fighting that pretty boy, Shishiwakamaru sometime soon. I'll look forward to it. If he's lucky, I won't accidentally damage him and send him to his boy toy in pieces.

10:34am: I'm surprised I'm not still asleep since I didn't get much last night.

Yuusuke and I made it out of the rainstorm and came to the Ningenkai to visit with Yukina. She's fine, I checked there first, of course.

Then in the evening I headed over to Kurama's house to see how he was and found him still hiding and whimpering and licking his wounds. It was... really upsetting to see him like that. I didn't really know what to do, but since his family is out for the weekend I'm staying here.

I tired sleeping on the couch but that didn't work out for me. Apparently he wasn't sleeping either and we had a bit of a confrontation in which I got irritated and told him to snap out of it. Towards the end there I think he was actually listening to me. At any rate, he did manage to fall asleep and is actually still out cold.

I'll probably stick around here today and freeload. They always keep the kitchen well stocked.

11:11am: Okay, so we're still out here in the Makai. Apparently Mukuro wasn't happy about me taking off like I did and moved the fortress while I was out. While we could have caught it will only a small amount of trouble, it's started raining. Hard. I think most of you know what Makai rains are like. So Yuusuke and I are holed up in a cave with a laptop that is quickly dying on us and only each other for entertainment.

Besides, his corpse is starting to smell. I really need to get out of here. I seriously think I should just go visit Yukina.

1:39pm: It's been a few days since I've updated, but not all that much has gone on. I came out to meet Yuusuke on his way to visit me and we've been taking our time about coming back. The idiot has been carrying this stupid piece of useless equipment the whole way. I'm not sure exactly what his logic is, or if he even has logic. It's not like he can use it to hunt, eat or defend himself. On that note, he could have used the space to carry more food so he wouldn't have run out. Though it has been established many times over the years that he's not good at planning.

We should be arriving at Mukuro's fortress tomorrow. I am not as pleased to be getting home as you might think. I'm considering just dropping him and taking off to visit Yukina.

2:38pm: Had the dubious pleasure of getting caught in a conversation with Yusuke this afternoon. I probably shouldn't have enjoyed it, but I have been bored and it gave me something to do that wasn't paperwork. I might consider actually allowing him to see me when he gets here, providing he doesn't piss me off again before then.

4:43pm: Hn. Been a while since I’ve posted in here. Hell, it’s been a while since anyone’s posted at all. Things have been quiet both on and off this stupid Journal site. Kurama was returned and has more or less healed, as far as I can tell. Everyone has been staying out of trouble and doing what they’re supposed to do.

I appreciated it at first, but I never realized how boring peace could be. With as many people as I am asked to look after, you would think one of them would have a crisis beyond a bad haircut.

I’ve been doing patrols, paperwork and training soldiers. That’s the entertaining part lately. Beyond that, I listen to Mukuro talk about ideas of hers, attend meetings and try not to fall asleep during either. I don’t even have these stupid things to monitor anymore. Sad, when I find that mildly depressing.

I guess I’ll go sharpen my sword or something…

9:33pm: Kurama's too badly injured for us to do anything much for him here in Makai. We're heading back to Ningenkai as quickly as we can without making the situation worse.

11:56pm: *private entry*

Humiliating defeat.

That's the only way to describe both the way that Kuwabara fell to me in this tournament, and the way that I, in turn, fell to that bastard Karasu. I overestimated my own abilities, not thinking about the fact that against Karasu's bomb-manipulating techniques, my own abilities are nothing short of catalysts, with rather explosive consequences. Yukina has apparently been worrying herself sick over my injuries--apparently I was among the more severely hurt of our motley little crew--and seems to be intent on vanquishing the last vestiges of scarring from my flesh. She doesn't understand why I would choose to leave the markings, if she didn't cry every damned time I make even the feeblest attempt to convince her to not exert any more of her precious energy upon me. I guess she doesn't want to be reminded so blatently of Karasu's cruelty, and I can't blame her, but... I want the reminder. I want to remember that foolish mistake I made. I want to remember the feeling of his attack shredding flesh and blood vessels, rending bone as it blasted into that shoulder. I want to remember the pain. I want to remember the sadistic glee that radiated from him as I fell in the ring. I want to make that bastard pay for everything he did during the tournament. I want that bastard to pay for the sacrifice Kurama made. I want to see him beg for mercy on the teeth of my Kokuryuu.

When Yuusuke leaves to retrieve Kurama, I will follow. There is no other choice. Not even an arrogant, conceited kitsune fool deserves a fate like that.

Karasu. Will. Pay.

11:06pm: *private entry*

There is no way in hell I will allow Kuwabara's death to have been in vain. His motivations were identical to my own. He shouldn't have had to fall the way he did. Despite all the insults, he was one of the few I've allowed close to me. Dare I say... family?

I fight Karasu--the youkai who has possession of Shizuru--tomorrow. I owe it to Kuwabara to at least ensure that his sister is kept safe throughout this cursed tournament. It won't be easy, but I have to give it everything I have. There's no other way to keep Yukina safe from these bastards...

I doubt anyone who knows me here will ever look me in the eye again, after what I've done...

12:05am: Yuusuke somehow located me today, with the intent of apologizing for the entire situation that he seems to think took place at the party when nothing at all happened. As he seems to have been able to convince the rabid fangirls that leaving me alone is in their best interests, I agreed to go with him to the library to see if we couldn't determine where Hinageshi went after she made that last post. We haven't had any success in that, though there's evidence that there were multiple low-level youkai there approximately a week ago. Considering the timing, there's the chance that they had something to do with Hinageshi's disappearance.

ok listen up everybody, if ya guys want in on the hunt Hiei and i are staging tomorrow, you'd better be at the library before nine cuz were not gonna wait around for ya..... and dont say nothin bout me posting in Hiei's journal.... its his laptop and i think he's serious about killing me if i log out of any more sites on it...... sides i saw what happened to Kurama's journal when he got ahold of the password for it.... thats not happening to mine...... ever....

12:37am: For your information, I am not sulking because I made a complete ass out of myself at the party, because I did not make a complete ass of myself at the party. I am hiding because someone saw fit to unleash the rabid fangirls and I have no desire to endure anything that they intend to put me through. If you want to find me that badly, remove the obvious problem and I'll consider gracing you with my presence.

7:45pm: I swear, if Yuusuke even attempts to steal my laptop again, I will not be responsible for any damage caused to persons or possessions as a result of his seemingly insatiable need to tempt fate every chance he gets. There is no way in hell I intend to go through another wrestling match just so that I'm able to make a post in my own journal, and if he thinks that I appreciate the fact that I've had to log back in to just about every single site that has ever stored my password, he's dead wrong. Or simply dead. Whichever comes first without Infantile intervention.

5:34pm: We're back in the Ningenkai and I feel claustrophobic already.

The discomfort is worthwhile, though, for vengeance is mine...

5:01pm: *private entry*

He thinks that what happened four days ago was my version of vengeance, but he couldn't be further from the truth.

Belive me, even a ningen would be capable of recognizing my brand of vengeance.

9:32pm: How unexpected...
*private entry*

Kurama appeared out of the middle of nowhere this afternoon. At least, I think it was this afternoon... I seem to have lost track of the time with all of the paperwork Mukuro has been foisting on me lately. He had a message for me from Yukina; apparently he met up with her yesterday. He says that she seemed lonely... I can't help wondering if that's partially my fault. I have been gone from Ningenkai for quite some time, after all.

The fox is spending the night here because it's too late to start heading towards Yuusuke's territory. I can't help wondering how he is... perhaps I'll have to tag along with Kurama when he leaves here tomorrow morning.

7:09pm: I'm back in the Makai now, at Mukuro's. ...Filling out paperwork. She seems pleased that I'm back, but I'm sure that's only because these endless stacks of paper will be going to me instead of her.

And I'm only posting here to get out of signing papers for a few minutes. This journal IS good for something.

Actually, paperwork aside, I like being back in the Makai again. I don't like the Ningenkai. Too stuffy. Too many humans. I wonder how Yuusuke's doing?

8:33am: Makai
Kurama's house was inhabitable. His mother treated me like such a child, though. But she's good with food, so it evened out. We stayed up late watching horror movies which was a more or less indescribable time. Why would humans purposely watch something that would scare them? Either they enjoy cowardice or they're testing their bravery. Which is just sad. If humans have come so far down the hill that they need movies to prove their bravery, something's very wrong.

I couldn't get to Yukina in the temple, so I followed her on her walk to the market. It was the usual, we talked about nothing for a while before parting. Or more, she talked about nothing and I nodded on occasion. Sometimes I think we had more meaningful conversations when she didn't know I was her brother.

I'm heading back to the Makai, now. I came up here to visit Yukina and now I'm done.

11:59pm: I told Yuusuke I wasn't going to his kingdom with him. He didn't seem as pissed as he was when I had to think about it, but he's not happy about the answer, either. No one reading this is going to understand where that came from, but I wanted to state it.

He headed out for his territory a while ago. As for me, I told Yukina I'd visit her and I'm planning on keeping the promise, but I'm not sure now's a good time. From what I hear, the temple has enough traffic as it is. Soon, though.